Are You Willing to Let Go? On the fear of losing yourself in a relationship

I’d rather be dependent than disconnected

With all that’s going on in the world, online and with people around me is that there are things going on causing everyone to self-reflect. And I believe women are particularly struggling with defining:

“What is my role? My purpose?”

I want to share part of me that had to adjust once I got married.

I was taught to value my independence and it was sort of taboo to teach a woman how to be a wife. Looking back, I wish it was a skill taught and passed down from women like it used to be. This strong emphasis on independence being a shining characteristic of a woman doesn’t empower us to learn to be dependent on another person.

When in reality, we are all dependent on each other and keeping barriers up for the sake of trying not to get hurt stops us from fully knowing our partners.

If you’re a woman who desires marriage one day, or are married and want a marriage that lasts, deep down inside, we all really want to learn to be integrated and be a part of this other person because we want to spend the rest of our lives with them.

So what does this have to do with identity?

Start to think about the part of you that you’re still holding onto — the parts of you that you love, the parts of you that were free and you felt like you could make any kinds of choices, and even the parts of you that were afraid to surrender to another person you would lose yourself. If you’re here and reading this…there’s something here for you that you can apply to other parts of your life.

You have to rid yourself of the fear that if a relationship doesn’t work out, you would have given in, changed yourself and then looked stupid. You have to forget about all of the people who gave you their opinions on “what if it doesn’t work?”

And then ask yourself: Where am I afraid to ‘give in’? Where do I fight and defend for ‘my way’? Is there any way I can soften here, and allow myself to be led? Without fighting?

If you don’t allow yourself to be interdependent, then you don’t get to enjoy the fullness of our own selves in our relationships and we don’t get to enjoy the fullness of what it means to be completely in connection with someone. 

Try letting go just a little bit of the “what could go wrong here” and being to consider there is deeper love and connection on the other side of our defences.