5 Quick Lessons From My First Year In Dubai
Adjusting is hard, but there’s light on the other side…
September 8th was the official 1 year marker that my plane landed in Dubai and I was going to call this place home. (Though I figured out the word home has many applications.)
It’s been an incredible year.
I got married. I moved. I stopped working for the first time in 14 years. I got pretty depressed and confused about what to do with myself. What was my purpose, how should I be spending my time?
I became frustrated that I’d spent thousands of dollars on coaching and therapy and books and journals and I somehow didn’t know how to just FEEL BETTER NOW!
But that’s what happens when life shifts your identity. When you go through a transition.
I had never gotten married or moved countries without knowing anyone before. How could I have known? I was so attached to the identity I’d built for 28 years.
So then, when I was at the lowest point, that’s when I finally got tired of myself and knew I had to do something.
I created a gathering for myself to make friends. I started to feel better. Now our monthly events sell out and other women are making real friends, too.
I wrote a book about my journey, combining it with all of the tools I used to use to feel joyful, and made them my own for this situation. It’s getting published and goes live on Amazon for pre-sale in less than two weeks.
I traveled back to North America for Christmas and two weddings - one of which was ours and was possibly the best day I’ve ever had. Family came to visit Dubai almost non-stop in the spring. We got a puppy, and I healed some digestive issues I’ve had for years.
Nothing can change in a year, and everything can change.
Here are 5 things I’ve learned (though there are many more):
1) The kind of people you’re looking for are always out there
One of the warnings I received before moving to Dubai was that it’s pretty superficial. My kind of spiritually inclined, tea over alcohol, deep conversations friends were going to be few and far between. Or so I was told.
At the first event I went to in Dubai, someone actually said “It’s really hard to make good friends here.” I made a choice, in that moment, to refuse to believe that.
If I was here, and my husband was here, were there really NO other good people here? I doubted it. So I began digging. And I honestly believe I found lots of good people. (It helps to believe that at the basis of humans, we all want connection, even if we seem superficial)
But honestly - I have maybe found more genuine people who have the same values as me here than anywhere else. There are plenty of people I probably don’t want to be friends with, but that’s been true everywhere I’ve lived. We are judgemental and there are people who aren’t good for us no matter what.
If you want a “fake” night out talking about surface level things or where the cost of your outfit determines how cool you are, you can find that here. If you want to eat meat or be vegan, you can find that here. If you’re interested in money and cars and makeup, or history and art and religious life, you can find that here.
Don’t limit yourself to what other people say.
2) More people want to help you and support you than you think
The move has really stretched my capacity to ask for help. To let people in on what I’m really feeling.
Being away from family and friends, it’s easy to get on a catch up call and talk about the basics. What’s new, how are you? How’s work? Everyone’s feeling okay? In fact I’ve found you have to be willing to spend at least 15 minutes talking about “nothing” things to warm up to the good stuff. Give yourself time to warm up to the good stuff.
There is connection available with everyone if we stay open to it and even ask for it.
“I would really like to spend more time with you!” I said to a new friend, vulnerably as I worried I’d be rejected.
Give people the chance to reject you - because you either get even closer because of it or you get clear that you have to try connecting with someone else instead.
3) A Shataff should be in every bathroom in the world
Yes this is important so it’s #3. Dear Westerners or non-Muslims, please get your life together and use a water wand or a bidet (also known as a Shataff) after you go to the bathroom. Wet wipes are terrible for the environment and trust me, you are not clean with just TP. If we every move back to North America, I can promise you that these will be the first thing in my moving boxes.
There’s really not much more to say here. Other than, Americans had to create TUSHY just to normalize this basic hygiene etiquette. Get it together. (But buy one)
4) No matter where you are, everyone will make comments about the weather
I grew up in long, snowy winters. Now I’m getting older in long, hot summers where in winter it’s still as hot as Buffalo summer. Weather will always give us something to talk about (hello, global warming!) - so maybe we just get over this fact and start talking about something else? I don’t know, remind me when I go back to Buffalo for Christmas and it’s cold.
5) I miss my home, but I don’t want to move back (yet)
Watching American news has always been frustrating to me but watching from abroad (sparingly) for a while, I noticed then when I return to North American for visits, my anxiety actually increases. Large, summer crowds make me wonder if I should be paying more attention to my surroundings. Thinking about raising multicultural children in schools there, I give a second thought. Are we safer where we are right now? Sometimes I wonder.
This is a huge topic that needs to be carefully thought out and given its own space. For the purposes of this list, the thought is vastly incomplete. But being in Dubai for a year has given me awareness and perspective that there are limitations to all places, no matter what, and there probably always will be. And I am privileged to get to experience that, and one day possibly get to choose which place I want to live with, and in.
There are so many other things that have happened over the last year. Some I share in my book (Out November 5th!) and some I don’t.
But, just last week as I was driving back to where we live, I thought to myself, “This place finally feels like home”
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